I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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