if i can run in heels then i can drive
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
