i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
