Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
