I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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