I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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