She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
