Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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