There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
