If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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