I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Girls should come with a carfax report
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I stole a fireplace last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
