You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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