He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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