no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
