what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
