ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
