Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
