You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize