my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
