I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she looked like the before picture.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
