I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
