dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
