I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
