I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
