i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
