The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
