while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
