So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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