sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
BRING THE BAGELS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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