Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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