Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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