I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So much rum. So many feels.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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