I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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