Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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