I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
