Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We are all done wearing pants today
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
