I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
