Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
