when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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