This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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