We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
