I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
