you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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