Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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