he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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