I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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