My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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