I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
