hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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