Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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