I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize