I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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