why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
