I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
