just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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