Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
