We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
