if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
