I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
