she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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