I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
