I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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