So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
