im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
