yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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