The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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